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VHamelin

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Rant

4 min read

This is just a vent of a post is all. Nothing specific. It's not intended to target anyone.


When I first got into Second Life 13 years ago, I was hoping that it might be different from what I've dealt with in my reality. Maybe the individuals would be different personality wise and a little more open and enthusiastic. More accepting of who I was and possibly provide some kind of support on there. Truth is, it's not. Weather it's by my own hand or something else, the routines are the same. People have their little circles they find themselves to be the most attached to. Weather it's a common interest or a personality, it doesn't matter. It's no different to what reality is like. Which means I still feel like an outcast. Invisible to others around me unless I open my mouth and say something. After that, it's just me alone with my own thoughts and insecurities. Sure, there are some on SL I consider my friends, but I never burden them with this. Most of them would rather not hear my personal whining and woes. So, I keep my mouth shut and let the thoughts fester. It's what I'm good at.


The truth is, I put so much investment into Second Life so I could have an escape. While I try to surround myself with people I enjoy hanging with, it's very seldom. There are reasons for it. The reasons vary from one individual to the next. There are a few that are hiding from me so to speak. Potentially my own doing and how I behave. If I could take those things back, I would.


The truth is, no matter where I go, or what world I find myself in, it'll never change. I'm always going to be the outsider. The oddball that others don't really understand or quite get. Just an annoying mosquito they can't get rid of. When I'm not rping or hanging with anyone, I'm building. It used to be therapeutic, but not so much anymore. Some of my friends are actually baffled why I'm alone all the time. Weather it's by choice, or just lack of interest on others, I don't know. All I know is the situation remains the same to me. No matter who it is, I'm always at the very bottom. Instead of pushing harder for something, I back off and allow myself to be a fucking doormat for others to walk on. Sometimes I work out something with someone and it never comes to fruition. These are the things that I find myself struggling with.


At this stage I don't even know if I really want to stay on Second Life and continue to invest into it. I just get angry and to some degree feel like a social outcast on there. Yes, Reality does get in the way and hold precedence. That's normal. It just sucks that I'm incapable to gaining such things that I see others on Second Life have. The truth is I don't matter to others at all. Just another fool who was born to lose. I tried exploring more, but I don't see the point. I struggle to approach others and lack the confidence to be outgoing and intriguing.


Again, this is not intended to target anyone specifically. This is just me venting my frustrations. I think a this stage, I may just drop off Second Life for good. Unless something changes, I'm probably not going to be on for too much longer. Overall, I've been rping for over twenty years. We'll see what happens, but I'm sure the writing is on the wall at this point.


Thank you for listening I suppose. I wanted to write this down and vent out my frustration. For now, I should get some rest. I have to be at work in the morning.


Night folks.


-Vee

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Hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween! I haven't been on as much since I've been super busy with what's going on in my personal life. Specifically, the hurricane that ripped through where I live. I contacted my insurance company, and their estimate is... well, let's say they don't want to pay into it. So, I called a private adjuster, and she should be stopping by this Saturday to give an honest opinion and an actual estimate. Hopefully, this will work out in my favor.


For anyone that hasn't been following lately, I've been writing into a new Halloween themed story that features both CrimsonVlkyrie's World and BethanyHunter's world respectively. This includes a few familiar faces to those that are avid fans and followers of both their pages. :) My main goal is to help expand the world and add to the lore through a series of mystery and thriller themed stories. This one in particular is both and really dives a little deeper into Payton's history. I have a few other worlds I'm looking into, but I'm not going to jump into anything else until I finish with what I currently have open. For now it's the new Halloween story which you can check out here.


At any rate, I need to head out for work. I'm waiting to hear back from both about what I have for chapters 8 and 9. Stay tuned folks!


-V-

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Hurricane

1 min read

Hello all, I know it's been a minute. But I don't have a lot of time here. Right now I'm in the process of preparing for the Hurricane coming through from the Caribbean. It's supposed to be a Category 2 when it hits, but some speculate it'll be a Category 4. Either way, I'm preparing for it and Hopefully have enough supplies to get me through the whole thing for a while. At least until it passes. We'll see what happens.


In the meantime, I did post a bio on my page for everyone to look at. feel free to send feedback. I'm always happy to hear about it. I should pick things up at some point. :)


Stay safe all.


-Vee

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Some Good News

1 min read

Greetings from Florida! I hope everyone is doing well! I'm doing better so far. :)


I'm staying with my sister until I can find my own home. The market is scarce right now (and a tad frustrating.) I'm hoping to find a place soon but right now, it isn't looking good.


In other news, I'm able to access my paypal. For a while I was locked out, but got it resolved. I'm hoping to at least get some commissions done on some of my characters. If anyone has any recommendations, send them my way and I'll have a look. :) Due to my schedule, I have little to no time to do my own work.


Anyway, just checking in. I hope everyone is doing well! I'll keep you posted.


-Vee

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Well, with everything going on in the world now, we find ourselves in isolation from each other to protect ourselves. I haven't been able to write anything lately due to some things going on my life.


First, I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was well in the United States, despite the circumstances. Mine was pretty small believe it or not. I had two of them that I shared. One with my family, and one with my ex and her friends.


My personal life is a bit messy unfortunately. I've been pretty nasty lately and my depression has been kicking into overtime as of late. Being cooped up in the house is part of it, the other part of it is not finding a job in my field (again). I'm doing whatever I can to fix some of the stress as we speak. I start a new job tomorrow, so that will hopefully help out a little bit. I'm also going to try to get into the gym and work out again to improve my health. I was recently diagnosed with Diabetes by my doctor after seeing the results of my blood sugar levels. It's not so sever I need insulin, but it's easy to correct with some changes that are about to happen in the next day or so. My blood pressure is also pretty high and I'm not medication for that too. The blood pressure and diabetes might have been triggered by the Hemochromatosis. Since my body doesn't know when to stop storing iron into my liver, I developed a fatty liver from it which has turned into a downward spiral for me.


The job I got isn't something I really want, but it helps pay the bills. I reached out to my old automotive job a while back and went as far as interviewing for it. But, the General Manager never got back to me. I called six times to find out what's going on, and still nothing. So, I called another Automotive Retail store that's corporate and I start with them tomorrow. What's nice about this is I'll be able to relocate and not have to find a job again. My plan is to move to Tennessee to be near my siblings. My parents are going to help find a house and finance it so I have a roof over my head. It may seem strange to some that they would do that, but there is a reason. I spent the last fifteen or so years paying off my student debt. Because of how much I'm paying to get rid of it, I can't start my life. Even if I worked two or three jobs at a time to help cover it, I'm still struggling. So, this will give me some breathing room, and I have the home to myself nine months out of the year. The only downfall to this decision, was my ex and I decided to not pursue a romantic relationship anymore. We still love each other very much, but the relationship wasn't working very well, despite how many times we tried to fix it. She recently met someone new and didn't expect for things to happen so fast. I'm not upset about it at all (I am being honest here). I'm actually really happy she found someone else that could offer her the things I failed to provide. It does suck for me because I don't have anyone like that anymore, but I'm not going to lose sleep over it. I'm not bitter about it either. This was a mutual agreement from both of us.


The greatest challenge for me is meeting new people. I'm super shy and a super introvert. Even though I'm looking at a new chapter in my life, it is exciting for me too. What's nice is being near family.


Speaking of family, My grandmother has dementia. It isn't surprising for someone her age to have it at this point (she's 91), but it's still pretty painful to watch the deterioration. She still remembers people, it's her short term memory that's shorting out. I know eventually she'll be no longer in this world, but it still doesn't make it any easier for me. Five years ago around this time my grandfather (her husband of 67 years at that point) passed away. I'm trying super hard to prepare myself for the inevitable. I love her very much. I never cried when my grandfather passed away, I never cried when my best friend and bandmate passed away either. A few people are worried about that. It's not that I don't want to either. I just have that part of me locked up pretty good. It's a guy thing.


I know lately I've been not too fun to be around on Second Life. I think a lot of the things that are going on with me personally are being amplified when I log on. A lot of times, I keep quiet about it. It's better not to say anything to anyone about problems that can see it as drama. And I did let it slip out a few times. Which led to a few people into hiding. There's also my persistence. I think the best thing for me is to stay quiet and remain invisible. A lot of times I chase others. But lately I've been thinking about that and remember a quote from Rupert Everett to Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding:


"Who's chasing you... Nobody, get it? There's your answer."


So, I'm just going to fade away on my own. If someone really wanted to see all my work on SL, they would come to me for it. But at the same time, it could be curse since I'm not great with some things. Which I'm working on as we speak. Maybe some of them did try and I missed it or blew it off. It's difficult to say at this point. All I know is I probably burned a few bridges with my attitude and a handful of actions I made. I doubt they can be fixed. I can reach out to those people, but a lot of times the answer is silence. Which is an indication to me to leave them alone. If they want to talk, they will say something to me.


With that being said, I'm going to kill some more time on Second Life until I leave to return some sodapop my ex bought for me last night. She bought Coke Zero and forgot I don't drink that anymore. So, we're going to return and replace it with something else.


Until next time,


-Vee

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